(Parental advisory notice: This post contains swear words and photos of people who should probably put more clothing on… if those sorts of things offend you, now would be a good time to head on out and come back next week for more family friendly travel tales.)

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Recently, as I was scrolling through Instagram, I checked out the hashtag “RVLiving.”

Also, recently, I asked Kevin whether he thought I’d be able to start a website called www.quityourbullshit.com

These two facts are not unrelated.

You see, as often as I find myself singing the praises of Instagram for leading us to some of our closest friends and introducing us to hundreds of places we never would have known about otherwise, I also find plenty of reasons to roll my eyes hard and exclaim, you guessed it,”Quit your bullshit!”

Truthfully, there are a handful of accounts that account for the majority of the B.S., but these accounts are so omnipresent, and so bursting at the seams with ridiculousness, that they kinda take over the whole place. And god bless em, they’re probably rolling in sponsorships and making tons of money, but this stuff is absurd and needs to be called out, lest normal people start thinking any of it has anything to do with reality.

Let’s be a little more specific, shall we?

What Mornings Look Like

If you’re on Instagram, and you’re following the right folks, you might be left with the impression that living in an RV means waking up on a gorgeous beach, looking lovingly at your model-perfect partner, and enjoying the company of your well behaved dogs while you give voice to all aspects of your blissful life:

For us, waking up often means rolling over in our dim, cave-like bedroom to find a 70 pound German Shepherd sleeping upside down and backwards, his head cocked to the side, and his legs spread wide open, taking up the whole middle of the bed between us.

And, as we consider the fact that we are, literally, face to face with our dog’s butt, we silently plot our strategies to avoid being the one who gets stuck taking him out for his morning “poop-quest.”

Remember how at the end of Lord of the Rings, Frodo and his friends are at Mordor and they’re like right there but the movie just keeps going and going and going and going and you’re like “Oh my god, is this friggen movie ever gonna end?” but the answer is clearly “no” because 14 hours later they’re still screwing around at the damned mountain and you’re like, “Could you just move this along?” but obviously that’s never going to happen because if the movie was ever going to end, it would have ended by now, and apparently what you’ve somehow signed up for is the Never Ending Story – but not the cool one – and pretty soon you’re just hoping for the sweet, sweet release of death, but that’s not gonna happen either so you just soldier on?

Taking Thor out to poop in the morning is a bit like that.

It’s a sort of unholy combination of an enjoyable meander with man’s best friend and the Bataan Death March.

Just like the ring can only be destroyed in one mountain (after an enormous amount of conversation), there is only one location good enough to be the landing zone for Thor’s crap, and if he can’t find it, you’re in for a long day.

So, anyway, waking up in the morning can be pretty blissful for sure, but maybe not “Hashtag Vanlife” blissful.

Hashtag Vanlife!!!!

While we’re on the subject, let’s talk about this affinity for sexy vanlife goals. If you’re wondering why all these accounts look the way they do, look no further than these two photos from the same account:

First, we have an adorable dog with a piece of kale on his head (and a not-at-all intentionally placed Hydroflask brand red cup in the background because this is real life, yo!)

Anyway, what could be better than an adorable dog with a piece of kale on his head? Nothing. Nothing is better than that.

And what do you know? Almost 2,000 people agree! Dog with kale on his head = Two thousand likes! Great!

But, let’s continue. What have we here? Another post from the very same account:

Super hot girl in a barely there bikini standing on top of a van while staring thoughtfully at the ocean, her Point Break boyfriend rinsing the salt water off his wet-suit after a morning of catching waves and being awesome. Who took the picture? We don’t even know!! It’s so natural and unprompted, it must be a higher power that captured this totally real moment in the totally real life of totally real van dwellers!! Totally.

Anyway…. 8,000 likes.

Really? 8,000 likes for the staged bikini butt but only 2,000 likes for the adorable puppy with kale on his head?

Really, internet?

Really????

Come on!! We can do better.

Let’s go inside, shall we?

Never Miss a Moment

According to Instagram, when you live in an RV, magical Christmas lights hang down from the middle of your ceiling – because that makes sense – providing romantic illumination to those tender moments between you and your partner. Luckily, the photographer who apparently lives with you and spends all his time memorializing these totally unstaged scenes is right there to capture the perfectly Instagrammable moment.

Her: “Tee Hee!! Look how adorable I am playing tea party while wearing my winter hat inside!” Him: “God, I hate myself right now.”

In our world, while it sorda seems like we have a third roommate always keeping watch for special moments, he’s more likely looking for those special moments when he jams his head under the bathroom door.

His whole head….

Fortunately, he hasn’t figured out how to post pictures to Instagram yet.

Renovations in the Real World

Every so often, I start looking at all the gorgeous RV renovation photos on Instagram and think, “we could totally do something like this. Re-paint, brighten the place up, lose all the ‘beige on beige with bits of brown'” we find so tiresome.

But then I think about what RV life actually looks like and I remember that, oftentimes, it looks like this:

This was a snapshot of our life on Day 3 of a seemingly endless span of rain, cold, and misery in South Dakota last Spring. By this point, we’d given up on even acting like we cared what our house looked like: Filthy, damp “dog towels” on the floor, rain jackets hanging from the front seat and dining room chair, a soaking wet umbrella closed up on the ground, muddy shoes on a plastic mat, and the cord from a space heater hanging from the dashboard. The truth is, when you live in less than 300 square feet of space, there is no “mud room” to deal with all of this. Hell, there’s not even a convenient place to open up an umbrella to let it dry out.

And at moments like these, I realize the reason these RVs are all beige is because no one who actually lives in an RV wants a bunch of white cabinets, light colored area rugs, and pastel colored throw pillows. What we want is beige on beige with bits of brown. It hides the dirt!!

RV Yoga

I have long been confused as to why I never see any of our campground neighbors practicing yoga on their vans because, according to Instagram, that’s what happens all. the. time.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but just the other day, I was all “Kev! Stop the motorhome right now! I must go do yoga in the middle of this road!” And he was all: “K!”

And I know what you’re thinking: “You’re just jealous cuz you could never do this pose.”

And you’re right. I could never in a million years do this pose. I would be in traction for months.

Even worse, I would be in traction ALONE for months, because Kevin would have just driven off and left me there. And really, who could blame him?

Speaking of Kevin leaving me… If we ever broke down on the side of the road and I was all “OMG honey! Let me go put on one of my fave dress and a super cute floppy hat so we can take sexy insta pics for my feed”….

he would just stare at me.

He would not agree to take my hand and run across the street in front of a tripod while dodging semis…

He wouldn’t even verbally acknowledge what I had suggested.

He would just stare at me.

Like, into my soul.

It would be SO uncomfortable.

All the world’s a marketplace

I always find it interesting to see what RVers are trying to sell through their partnerships. Sometimes the stuff makes sense – outdoor equipment, camping supplies, travel gadgets. But then there’s the random, unrelated stuff that really has no connection. And some of it kinda seems like a bad idea… Take this nice girl for instance…

Ya know what a tiny, wood paneled van full of blankets and clothing needs? Candles! And let’s not just light some candles, let’s light those candles and then balance them precariously on our knees!

I, too, fail to see how this could end badly!!

Or, there’s this girl, somehow trying to weave wearing pendants into full time travel.

Yes, wearing pendants definitely cuts down on stress and anxiety. Know what else cuts down on stress and anxiety? Putting a shirt on.

RV Necessities

On the topic of things you need, when you live in an RV, you have to possess certain items. Leveling blocks, a sewer hose, and a guitar. Always a guitar (or ukulele, whatever, same thing…)

I mean, why doesn’t anyone play the flute? If our goal is to live small, wouldn’t a tiny flute make a lot more sense than a giant guitar? Or what about a harmonica? Or a KAZOO?!?!

Just sayin…

Anyway, the good thing is if you don’t have your own guitar, you don’t even have to worry because, in Instagram-land, you can just roll up on some random dude playing in a field, throw open the back doors, and get your guitar street cred that way!

I mean, who is that guy?

Was he there first? Do they know him? They don’t even mention him in the caption, but I kinda feel like he’s an important part of the picture, no? Is he one of them or is he all: “Oh, for Christ’s sake, I hate vanlifers”?

Wait… hold on…. I just thought of something…. what if…

Well…

What if he’s just a prop? Like, what if he’s not even real? What if he’s just a two dimensional cardboard cutout staked in the ground? It kinda looks like that, right?

And if you’re thinking: “well, obviously that can’t be a cardboard cutout because these people live in a van and they obviously wouldn’t have space to carry a life-size cardboard cutout of a guy playing the guitar,” well, just read on, my friend…

RV Minimalism

Living the RV life is all about simplification, minimalism, deciding what’s really important and jettisoning the rest. When you live small, you can’t carry around all the junk you used to think was so important. What’s important is experiences, not stuff!

Unless you’re talking about a hula hoop.

There’s always room for a hula hoop.

Even better than a hula hoop? How bout a stripper pole?

Yeah.

I honestly cannot make this stuff up.

Not only are these nice ladies running around with a portable stripper pole and offering it to random strangers to practice on (cuz that’s not weird), but they bring it along to such places as Crater Lake.

They brought a stripper pole to Crater Lake.

Crater. Fricken. Lake.

I can’t. I just can’t.

Sigh…

Rooftop Views

Have you noticed anything about this post? A trend? A theme?

I mean, I could keep quizzing you, but I kinda just gave it away in the subtitle. It’s this:

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According to these Instagrammers, when you live in an RV, you are always, ALWAYS hanging out on your roof.

I mean, this picture right here shows that they’re carrying chairs with them:

There are, presumably, places to sit inside their homes, and yet – they cannot wait to get on top of their RV and look thoughtfully into the distance.

I don’t get it.

Kevin and I have lived in our motorhome for over 3 years. You know how many times I’ve stood on our roof? Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not once.

There could be an entire commune of possum Meth heads living up there right now and I’d have no idea.

Speaking of Kevin and I, oh my god, you guys… I just took this photo of us and I wanted to share it with you. This is just us, the real deal, being ourselves, enjoying each other’s company and a cup of coffee on a Tuesday afternoon:

Just wanted to share some real world vibes from us real world #nomads!!!

Just kidding. Our attempts at family photographs usually involve a bit more chaos…

Anyway, in sum, while there are those who would have you believe this is all you need to live an authentic, happy, fulfilled, life on the road:

I am here to tell you that this is the true answer:

That’s right. 12 bottles of delicious wine (red, white, or rose!!) neatly contained in 3 small boxes (it’s eco-friendly!!), lightweight (comes with a handle!), leak-proof (great for travel days!), easy to store (we’re always on the move!), and producing minimal waste (so the neighbors won’t judge!)

This, my friends, is authentic #RVliving at its finest.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pour myself a large glass of wine, put on some pendants, grab my stripper pole, and head for the roof where I’ll join my possum friends as we gaze into the distance and raise a glass to 2020.

Cheers, and Happy New Year to all of you!!

123 COMMENTS

  1. Lmfao!! Omg. I’m crying this is so funny. I guess it takes all kinds. Now I need to go return that stripper pole I bought you for your birthday. Oooops!!!! ????????????????

    • What, are you crazy? Don’t return it! I’m gonna need that if I’m ever gonna get sponsored!!! (Actually, someone would probably pay me NOT to hang off a stripper pole… Oh well, either way!!)

      🙂

  2. LOL – So well written! Fran does not take a guitar when we go out, just her piano! Yupper a piano!, well it’s a keyboard, but a full size one. Have you seen all those pristine boondocking sites on Instagram? Most/all of them are pretty staged too.

    • Wow! A full sized keyboard is no joke! Now, if we can just find someone running around with a drum set, I’ll be seriously impressed!

      Yes, I have seen plenty of too-good-to-be-true boondocking photos and have wondered how real some of them are…or how many times the RVers got stuck in the mud or sand trying to get to them!

  3. I’m not sure if it’s a badge of honor or a source of shame, but Bota boxes are basically the musical score underneath our entire RV journey. Need to know relative prices on Bota boxes in half the U.S. states? We can help. Our only issue is that our fridge only holds one at a time.

    Oh, and we really don’t get the RV glamour shots of people who obviously don’t live the RV lifestyle. Show us pics of people stressed out about finding the grocery store, who haven’t showered in several days, who are vainly searching for the next place to get a haircut, and we will understand their situation. Getting foot cramps from doing yoga on the roof? Not a thing we understand.

    • I should also note that I have spent time on the roof of our RV. I may have been staring thoughtfully into the distance, but at the time my actual thoughts were “WTF are we going to do about the fact that our skylight has blown out??!?!?!?!”

      • Yup! The best we’ve done on the ole Bota Boxes is $17.00. The worst? $22. I couldn’t tell you how much we paid for the last gallon of milk we bought, but Bota Boxes? I got those covered! 🙂

        As for what we all really look like, as soon as I see cute dresses and heeled sandals, I know they are full of crap. If you’re talking old t-shirts and worn out flip flops, come talk to me. Espadrilles? No.

        And next time you’re up on the roof duct taping mixing bowls to the gaping hole in your roof, make sure to take some dreamy selfies. You never know when you might need some cheap likes on Insta!

        • Yo yo yo! I have two important pieces of information for you, both Costco-related. First, we have found Bota boxes at several Costcos (though not all stock it, and it’s usually just one or two varieties) and it is never more than $16 per box. Can you say, “I’ll take the whole pallet??” Second, the Kirkland Signature Cab Sauvignon box wine is pretty good — we actually like it better than Bota’s. And it is usually $12.99/box. Man, I love Costco so much.

          • FASCINATING!! I have never seen Bota at Costco! Perhaps I am not looking hard enough?? I have bought their own brand of vodka – someone said it’s made by the same people who make Gray Goose – I’m not sure… but it’s pretty solid stuff! I’ll definitely check out the Cab Sav (which is how you say it when you’re ‘fancy’ like us) whenever I find it in the store. Thanks for the tip!!

  4. You are a great writer! So funny and true. Now, let me go pack up our Bota boxes for our trip south tomorrow after I finish vacuuming the dog hair out of every crevice at home and our RV.

    • Thanks! I’ve gotten to the point I don’t even worry about the dog hair until it starts forming dog hair tumble weeds… It’s just an endless battle, especially in such a small space! Safe travels as you head south. Just make sure the Bota is well refrigerated by the time you arrive! 🙂

  6. OMG this is too funny. We met a friend in Texas and one of her sayings is perfect for this, “I call bullshit!” I’m ashamed to say the first yoga bimbo has NH plates on the van, why did I notice that? It looks like she’s standing on the dogs head and I was trying to figure out WTF she was standing on. Anyhow, yes!!!! Bota boxes=less stress and happier lives. Maybe you could get them to sponsor you!

    • I mean, Bota Box, if you’re listening… I AM drumming up a fair amount of business for you. Just sayin…. Y’all can email me anytime… I don’t even need money… just ship me a supply of the goods!

      LOL…. I’ll let you know how that goes.

  7. Bless you Laura for giving me a hearty Sunday morning laugh. Irv keeps turning the TV volume up to drown out my giggling. Oh God, is this a preview of retired life? We may have to get headphones. Sorry, I digress. Loved the post. You’re the best.

    • Thanks, Molly! One of the first purchases we got after moving into the RV was headphones for Kevin. This way he can watch TV and play video games without driving me crazy. I think every marriage can benefit from them, so yes, I would definitely invest in a pair…or 12!

      • Headphones are marriage savers as you age. There is a point in almost everyone’s life where the hearing is going and the rest of you rejects the possibility. If you like watching loud action movies, police sirens and screaming and torture when your hearing starts to decline (possibly because of the loud sirens and screams? On your speakers 10 feet away from you?) you start turning the volume up higher because the device manufacturers seem to have started putting volume regulators on everything, look over at your partner. I am not a TV watcher but more of a reader and youtube travel video watcher or audiobook listener. Husband is 70something with advanced MS. But he insists his ears are fine. I had developed a chronic twitch on my right eyelid. It took daughter moving in for a month for an intervention. She bought husband a tablet and a good set of headphones and set it up with all his streaming services. He was pleased with the gift and his wife is easier to get along with and she is no longer having to hear her whining and complaining about the shows I watch. And me? It turns out that I do not have Parkinson’s disease, I am much more relaxed and can get a full night’s sleep. And the twitch? I don’t know when it stopped but it did. Don’t wait until it is too late! 2 good sets of headphones in different colors should be the wedding gift fad for 2020. Don’t wait! Develop the habit early.

        • Haha! I agree completely. That was honestly the one and only issue we had as we adjusted from living in a normal house to living in this tiny bus. Absent those headphones, there is no way we could have made this work. We would have driven each other bonkers! Glad to hear they’ve worked for you as well!

  8. Too fricken funny and too true! Thank goodness I haven’t “discovered” Instagram so I don’t know what I should be doing….can’t you just see Dave and I in a van – STOP LAUGHING!

    • What, are you kidding? Instagram would LOVE Lewis! Thoughtful Lewis gazing at the ocean…. Focused Lewis gazing at his fish…. Fun loving Lewis playing guitar! The options are endless!!

  10. Best-ever column. Just read it aloud to Ruth and she’s still giggling. We’ll be in Crater Lake in June and will look for the huge hole the woman must have dug for the stripper pole. Or maybe the pole itself. Cue embarrassing pix. Currently retreading your posts for tips because we’re spending all of February at an RV park in Flagler, Fla. This was our long-time retirement dream and, though Ruth won’t retire yet, she can take a month away from the office, if not the phone, fax, email etc. I can write anywhere. Gotta figure out Instagram.

    • Ya know, Kevin was really bothered by the whole freestanding stripper pole too. He was trying to figure out how they stabilize it. I love how y’all try to figure this physics stuff out. Meanwhile, I’m just over here rolling my eyes and typing up sarcastic commentary…. 🙂

      We were just in St. Augustine. We really enjoy that area and I can give you a couple restaurant recommendations for downtown if you’re heading there. The beaches and state parks along the coast are terrific. You guys will have a great time! And Crater Lake is still high on our list. We were supposed to visit in 2018, but life got in the way. I look forward to your reports on it all!

      • Haha! Dave’s first comment to that photo was ALSO about how they got the stripper pole to stay up! He bikes and skis around Crater Lake, and so he was also disturbed because, “you can’t get that close to that part of the shoreline in a car.”. He decided it’s photo-shopped. So all you men can sleep soundly tonight. ????

        • Wait… is Dave saying that something on Instagram is…. is…. FAKE????? Nooooooooo!!!!

          I will be very sad though if I’ve been buying a lie all this time. I was convinced these folks were running around with their stripper pole like other people run around with their Flat Stanley … #disappointing

  13. We have over 25 years of part time RVing under our belts and will begin our full time journey in May. I’m deeply disappointed that my new life won’t look like the Instagram accounts I’ve been religiously following. My husband is devastated to hear that he won’t wake up to me on a stripper pole every morning. You’re just a dream killer plain and simple. 🙂

    • Oh noooooo…. I don’t want to be a dream killer! There’s always hope, you know! I mean, sure, most of the shirtless men we see in RV parks are more in the Social Security years rather than the hot young surfer years, but you never know. It could still happen!!! Never give up the dream!!!! 🙂

  14. Hahaha!!! I always roll my eyes hard at the staged photos of ‘dreamy RV living,’ too. I’d like to see one of those RVs with all of the fragile home dec items after a trip across I-10 in Louisiana. And don’t even get me started on the annoying people we’ve encountered in some of the most beautiful places in nature who are obsessed with getting the perfect sexy glamour shot and get in my way when I’m trying to take a photo without them hogging the scene. But a stripper pole? That’s a first.

    Do they not understand those photos are EMBARRASSING? Except maybe to 13-year olds. However, I must advocate for traveling with a guitar. I’ve had a blast traveling with my guitar and playing music with friends all across the country. But I do not post fake staged photos with it.

    Best of all? That photo of Thor sticking his head under the bathroom door. :-))

    • Ha! I-10 in Louisiana… the great equalizer. “Show me your Insta-perfect trailer now, you B.S.-peddler!”

      And yeah, the Grammers at the parks are just absurd. I swear, I’ve never seen so many people ready to to slug someone as the time we were at the top of Observation Point and a ridiculous Instagram girl and her boyfriend showed up and went right to the front of the overlook to take phony pics. People were THIS close to knocking her off the ledge….

      Aaaah, good times….

      And to be clear, I have ZERO problem with people carrying guitars. I just think a lot of these folks use them as props. For some reason, they’ve just decided they look cool, and need to be in every picture. It’s just the inauthenticity of it all that drives me nuts.

      Yeah, Thor…. masterfully unaware of personal boundaries…. 🙂

  15. LOL!!! Thanks for starting my morning off with a laugh. Never have been on Instagram, but this makes me almost want to, just to see the ridiculous.

    • There is a lot of great stuff on there – we really have connected with some awesome people, and we’ve learned about several places we knew nothing about, BUT, there’s a lot of crap on there too. The nice thing is you only follow who you want, so if you decide to, you can avoid all the nonsense. But where’s the fun in that? 🙂

  16. Dear Windex and Brawny.
    Next week I will be climbing on my RV roof to clean the bird crap off my solar panels. If you are interested in some product placement in my epic shot overlooking the pit toilets let me know.
    #dreamlife #sexyashell
    OMG Laura…I cant stop laughing!

    • Just make sure you’re wearing swimwear and you’ve got a good spray tan going… also, you’ll need some golden hour lighting to really make those panels shine! Let’s do this!!! 🙂

    • Bwahahahahah!!! Amazing post. I have to admit though that my favorite part is Thor’s giant head looking at you from under the door!!! ????????

      One of our favorite YouTube channels did a video of something sort of similar about YouTube thumbnails and how they related to views. If you’re interested, here’s their link: https://youtu.be/E3aI4jH78vE

      • Heather – oddly enough, I had actually watched some of their videos before. I’m not usually a big youtube person, but they visited a couple destinations on our list and I love their sense of humor… (Gee, I wonder why?) I hadn’t seen this particular video though and it is AWESOME! Love it! Thanks for sending the link.

  19. Best travel blog ever! I much prefer real life experiences and just don’t get the phony unrealistic version so often portrayed in Insta or You Tube. Thanks for sharing the true version of RV life in your witty way. Love the pic of Thor with his head under the bathroom door. ????

    • Thank you! It’s amazing how popular these phony accounts are. A lot of people, apparently, just love this stuff. Or, who knows? Maybe all the follower accounts are just bots, too. Anyway, I feel like there’s more than enough funny and entertaining stuff to talk about in the real world to keep myself busy. Glad you enjoy it!

  21. Truly….THE BEST TRAVEL BLOG EVER! Please continue to blog on anything after RV retirement. I/We need to laugh at life and you know how to get us to do that.

    • Aw, thank you! Fortunately, there doesn’t ever seem to be an end to the absurdity of the world, so I am (sadly) optimistic that I will always have plenty of material to work with.

  22. Laura, Laura, Laura! OMG so damn funny! I love your sexy morning pic with Thor, but the whole thing is hilarious! We have carried around a guitar now for 2 years. How many times has my honey played it? Once. I think he forgot everything he ever knew about playing. I don’t bother him about it though, because I know someday he will pick it up again (or not), but it’s just one more thing we agree not to discuss. Keep up the great work! Your blog started my morning off with a big bang. 😉

    • Oh, your husband shouldn’t feel bad. I just convinced Kevin to finally offload some of his cookbooks that he’s been carrying around with us since we started traveling. It turns out Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” is really NOT “a necessity” for RV life. 🙂

  23. This last fall I was in Bandon Oregon at the beach over look parking lot waiting for sunset and the van next to me had two people on the roof . She did have all her clothes on , well both did . Their license plates showed they were from Canada , so I passed it off as a Canadian thing . Later as the wind came up and cooled things down they opened the back doors a sat inside . If I had any idea this was a thing I might have quizzed about a stripper pole . Also now when I reach my camp spot I’m sure going to be looking for that lady on the roof . Vern In Boise

    • LOL. I think we might have started a new trend. All these van dwellers are gonna be wondering why people keep asking them if they’re carrying a stripper pole with them. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  24. OMG, I can barely type I am laughing so freaking hard. I thought your post about the crap of 3 years of vagabonding was pretty funny (BTW, I am totally stealing the “you’re from FL… ” example at some point, but I will give you full credit!) but this, this is PERFECT. Oh, man, you really nailed it. Totally. I love you. And when can we meet up to diss even more instagram hashtags #SouthwestThisWinter

    Oh, and why do these people never seem cold or bundled up in fleece??? #WhereIsItThatWarm

    • Sadly, we are in #florida this winter, but perhaps we’ll cross paths in the #spring ????

      As for the endless warmth, I expect that when you live #authentically, the #warmth of all the #bs you’re spewing on Instagram keeps you warm and toasty. #bikinilife

      🙂

  28. My husband sent me this post to read and I can’t stop laughing. He asked me if I wrote it because I complain about these things all.the.time. As I was reading it I would start to comment and he’d just say “keep reading, she gets to that too!” The White. Dear God. I hate our grey interior, but white? No thanks! And btw, we do have a van. It’s filled with clothes, cat litter box, screen tent, electronics, all our work supplies and equipment, umbrellas, hats, cleaning supplies, etc. When you’re living in it, you actually need things to you know…LIVE!

    Anyway, thanks for making my day. We’re planning a trip to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan next week where it will be 15 degrees and 3 feet of snow. I’ll be sure to take some bikini pics while wearing my snowshoes. Unfortunately, FedEx lost my stripper pole, so I will have to wait for next time for that.

    • Ya know, I love the way those remodeleled vans look, but there’s just NO WAY people are full-timing like that. I know how much crap we carry with us and a lot of it is absolutely necessary, forget cute shoes and sun dresses and guitars and coffee trays and sugar shells? Really? No. Just no.

      However, I’m pretty sure Instagram would appoint you Queen of the van dwellers if y’all got some epic shots of you standing on your van, in the snow, in a bikini, while wearing snow shoes. (The snow shoes would really complete the whole look…). Maybe you could get like a bear skin rug or something. I dunno…. just spitballin here….

      Anyway, just promise me you’ll think about it… 🙂

  29. Well I thought your last blog was excellent in getting down to the real nitty gritty of RV travel but you have really cut through the crap on this one … well done!

    We know a couple that travels with at least five guitars in their motorhome and another one that travels with a huge and I mean huge double bass, it was taller than she was! They both sound crazy to me ☺

    I have never gone higher than sticking my head over the edge of the roof just to see what was up there … yup did that once, don’t need to go up there again.

    But once again Laura you have provided an uproaring laugh for both of us on a Sunday afternoon while pointing out very eloquently how ridiculous some social media posts really are … thank you for that!

    • It really is weird how many people have guitars. Why is that? I need to turn this into a research project. Do all guitar players naturally yearn for the open road, or do people who yearn for the open road suddenly want to play guitar??? I was thinking they were all just Instagram props, but these comments are convincing me otherwise.

      Anyway, Ill let you know what I figure out… 🙂

      As for the roof, I really probably should go up there once in a while, but why ruin the mystery?? I’m sure if there’s anything really terrible going on, we’ll know about it eventually…. 🙂

      Glad you guys enjoyed the post!

  31. I had a feeling one of these hilarious posts was on the horizon from you! I think there are enough of “us” that we could totally spoof the biggest hashtag offenders if we banded together. Say the word, and I’ll do all the tripod headstands you need!

    • We are DEFINITELY gonna parody these. We just need the right people (with just the right amount of shamelessness) and we’re gonna get this done! It’s gonna be awesome!

  32. “What if . . he’s just a PROP!?” this is the funniest freaking article/post/missive that I have read all year, I basically cannot breathe and my significant other is really annoyed that I keep shouting out things and forcing him to look at them . . . . . just ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  33. Hahaha I hear you loud and clear. Could you imagine when the desert blows its dust, lots of dust, into those faux fur blanket? I only got up the roof to check the roof and clean our solar panels. It’s hot up there and not pleasant. Why would anyone… never mind. hahaha

    • LOL! Yup! You get it!!

      It’s funny, we dealt with the dust thing out west… Made the mistake of leaving our windows open one day and ended up with a fine coating of red dust on EVERYTHING. These are the things that real RVers figure out real quick and which is why none of us have ridiculous stuff like that. 🙂

  34. I love reading your posts. They are always great but this one tops them all. I have laughed and laughed. Sadly, all that nonsense on instagram is really there. You have such a gift. I can’t wait to see who lines up to sponsor you!!

    • Ha! I wish. If only I could get someone to sponsor me without also requiring me to sell my soul to the marketing gods. Oh well… It’s nice to just be able to write what I want, how I want. Thanks for reading and thanks for your kind comment!

  35. Hilarious! We have been living in the desert in Quartzsite for almost a month and I have yet to see anything like those pictures, Not one stripper pole, no one doing yoga…. not that I would want to see anyone out here doing that! Oh wait, I did see some shirtless fat guy on his roof adjusting his solar panels. Some things you just cannot unsee!

    • Honestly, it is truly shocking how hard it is to find the hard bodied hot guys and how easy it is to find the shirtless squishy pensioners in these RV parks. Why is that??? Where are my surfer dudes???

      🙂

  37. WHAT? You’ve totally broken my faith that the #vanlife is better than #rvlife! I was positive if we decided to “upgrade” to a van, I’d have a bikini-bod, a dog that never shed on white sheets, great hair, and an immaculate RV!

    I do love that Thor feels the need to make sure you haven’t escaped out of the bathroom.

    • Ya know, if there’s anything that gives it away with these accounts, it’s how free of dog hair these RVs are. No one who has a dog also has blankets and floors that are that pristine. It’s simply not possible. Ah well, sorry for the painful dose of reality! 🙂

      And yes, even in less than 300 square feet, there’s always a need to keep eyes on the pack!

  39. Hahaha. Love your posts. So funny and soooo true. We have a class B Sprinter van and I always wonder how people bring all that stuff in the van photos. We lived for two weeks out of our 19-foot van and everything had a place, some things needed to be moved when we hit the road, etc. Keeping it clean organized was essential and we only brought what we needed… not to mention we each got one overhead cabinet for clothes… just one. My wife wonders where people store all the hipster clothes and shoes.

    Also, I am learning guitar… however… I had to buy a small travel guitar because my full-size guitars won’t fit in the van. Also, when I practice I am banished outside like that dude in the field. Then it rains… no practice that day. Nothing worse then me trying to play guitar in a 19 foot Sprinter van… ouch.

    However, I am a bit obsessed with van interiors and I do like the first Instagram van you posted with the white interior. Those two actually have a van conversion business… not a big surprise because I think everyone now has a van conversion business.. dont get me started.

    • Ha! So maybe that guy in the field was a real deal RVer who just had to get out of his van to practice? But does that mean he knew those vanlifers? Were they all friends? Did he agree to provide the background music for their photo shoot? Or was he just trying to mind his own business? Maybe he doesn’t even know they took his picture. And if that’s the case, he DEFINITELY doesn’t know he’s on my blog right now! Should we tell him? So many questions…

      LOL….

      I think a lot of these dreamy conversions are just that – dreamy. They’re beautiful! I just wish they’d be a little more honest about what they look like in actual use… you know, full of stuff jammed everywhere. I mean, it really is cool that people can make these vans work and go just about anywhere with them, but there are limitations and it’s nice to see an honest assessment once in a while rather than just an endless stream of bikini yoga pics. 🙂

  40. This is the best! As someone who has worked in social media marketing for 10+ years, I really REALLY want this to be the year “influencers” die.

    Those lovely white interiors aren’t even tenable in my sticks and bricks house with two big dogs, all my cabinets are covered in dog slobber, bacon grease and dog fur.

    • Haha… Yeah. Dogs are definitely the great equalizer when it comes to Pottery Barn style homes. None of that lasts very long when you’ve got a dog laying waste to the place. 🙂

      As for the influencers, I think they might be kind of like the Kardashians. Everyone professes to despise them, and yet, they have tons of followers and are laughing all the way to the bank. I don’t get it, but I’m with you. I’d like nothing more than for them ALL to go away.

  41. Hahaha too funny! You called it. You nailed it. No matter where we go we see instagrammera dressed and made up for the day ( often Chinese ) even if said day involves hiking up hills or snorkeling these gals are decked out!!!! And the guy usually drags along …

    Peta

    • Well, at least it’s not just Americans who are making a$$es of themselves at important religious and cultural sites! That actually makes me feel a bit better! And yes, I do love those photos on social media where the girl has full make up, nice jewelry, and lovely tresses after her 6 mile hike to the top of the mountain. Really??

  42. This should be a one-woman show. Very funny. Very funny because it’s true. We learned early on that we just don’t fit the instagram audience and rarely post there. But maybe we haven’t given it a chance. If I could get Jim into a Speedo we’d probably get a crap-load of likes. Jim with a guitar and speedo … Oprah here we come!

    Carmen

    • HAHA! I do not see how this plan can fail!Let’s do this!

      Honestly, there is a lot to love about Instagram. I don’t post on there much – usually once every couple weeks, but we really have made some good friends through it, and we’ve learned about some awesome places from our fellow travelers. But, you do need to sift through a lot of crap to find the sincere people (as opposed to the people who are just trying to sell you stuff), and the platform itself can be frustrating because Instagram shows you what it thinks you want to see rather than just showing you everything. In other words, I’ve followed various accounts and then never seen a single thing they posted. Anyway, it’s good for what it is, as long as you realize its limitations.

      OR… you can just stick with blogging and actually connect in meaningful ways with real people… 🙂

  43. Long time lurker, but this is the best piece you have ever done! Hilarious and to the core! Love it love it love! Thank you for the laughs!!

  44. We’ve been full time for 7 years, mostly out of necessity. We are both artists and travel the west doing art shows. That being said….I have noticed the last few years this odd “travel” trend like you talk about in this very funny post. And it drives me crazy. Real RV living is celebrating shower day, wondering where the hell all the food you just bought is going to go, and yes, all the boxes of wine too. Hoping like hell you can find a decent boondock spot where nobody else is, although that has gotten way harder over the years mostly because of Instagram. Stressing out because for some odd reason the black tank isn’t draining very good. The dog needs a vet in a new city. And the endless list of repairs large and small that pop up. Everyone has this mistaken idea that living on the road is all glamour and fun, and it’s not. Maybe us that know better need to post more real life photos. That will fix them. Lol.

    • Indeed. My last post before this one was about all these things you’re talking about. So little glamour, so much frustration… and I do think it’s getting worse as time goes on. You would know better than anyone, with seven years on the road. If only we saw a single “New RV Campground Coming Soon!!” sign on any roadside in any town in any state anywhere, I would have hope that things might improve. Alas, thanks to Instagram, etc, more and more people are intent on “living the dream.” Little do they know…

    • Absolutely hilarious! Stripper pole what the heck? I dont go to instagram but cant get away from it, its everywhere these days. I watch you tubers talk about people driving by and all the arizona dust coming in, and im like right, beautiful white interior now brown. And hello who has water to clean all that up while boondocking! First time hear but i love, ill be back.

      • Haha… yeah, boondocking in the desert in an all white RV. Perfect!! 🙂

        It really is pretty obvious how unrealistic this stuff is when you think about it, but I guess it still sells because these folks are rolling in sponsorships. I guess everyone wants to buy into “the dream.” No different than overly photo-shopped beauty magazines….

        Anyway, thanks for visiting and thanks for your comment!.

  49. Laura I have these same conversations with my husband about some of the You tube channels. One in particular she’s making Meatloaf burgers to lazy she says to cook Meatloaf. She also uses onion powder instead of real onions (she is very obnoxious about using her own grown vegetables) you know all the store bought food is poison….maybe again lazy. She is only going to cook them for 20 minutes… what you added a egg? She add’s oatmeal which is okay I sometimes use that instead of cracker or bread crumbs but she put’s it in her food processor and makes it into a flour consistency. Yuk……She cans her own food and some of the pictures of the background show hundreds of cans of green beans someone should tell her that the shelf life of those is not 20 years…… It just makes me laugh and I have wondered if their subscribers are just watching for a laugh? Some of these channels have Patreon and I’d like to know if you are not working who is paying your medical insurance? We are not in a motorhome and live very comfortably in a patio home (newer) retired and both have good insurance plans, retirement pensions and now social security. I hate to think I may be paying still for someone else’s lifestyle ie #my taxes still stink. I wonder if this is just the beginning of homelessness for some and a real big mistake for others? Love your channel and all the quips.

    • To be honest there are only a handful of youtube channels I watch. I think a lot of these folks are trying to find ways to stand out from everyone else. Everything has been done to death and they’re trying to come up with new stuff – which, sometimes, just seems silly. I imagine it’s pretty hard for new Youtubers to make a living, given how many views you need. And the Patreon stuff requires even more effort because you need to offer additional value to those subscribers.

      As for health insurance, most people we know who are pre-medicare age and not working remotely for big companies are buying it themselves through the ACA exchanges. We are Florida residents, so we get on their exchange every year and buy a plan that provides nationwide insurance. So far, it’s been excellent. I think some folks buy cheaper HMO plans with less geographic coverage, or they buy a short term plan. Some go without and just hope for the best.

      I do wonder if some folks are gonna be hurting if the economy goes south or they have a major setback on the road. We’ve been through numerous unexpected challenges. That’s why I keep preaching to not throw every egg in one basket, to make sure you have the financial ability to deal with unexpected expenses, and have an exit plan, etc. Lots of people will tell you to just “chase your dreams” and “go for it” and I think that can be a recipe for disaster.

      Anyway, thanks for stopping by and for your comment!

  50. Great post. Just listened to your podcast episode with Mike and Jennifer Wendland. Informative and engaging. Just subscribed to your blog! Thank you!!!

    • Thanks so much for your comment and thanks for following us! We’re glad to hear the podcast was helpful. We had a good time chatting with Mike!

  51. So funny! I don’t necessarily agree with the part of sitting on your rooftop, but the rest is hilarious. I don’t think people sit on the roof of their RV often, but it does happen, however, Yoga does not. Being from So. Calif, people at the beach sit on the roof of their surfboard hauler, whatever that may be, to watch the sunrise and/or sunset pretty often. Your podcast episode with RV lifestyle was great!

    • Thanks a lot, Stacy! To be fair, we haven’t spent much time RVing on the California coast and probably missed the best places where people take advantage of rooftop views. We spent a bunch of time in San Diego, but were at a parking lot type campground. I know there are a bunch of beach side state park campgrounds that are probably pretty awesome. Hopefully we can check them out at some point!

  52. Great post! At last, a real travel blog with real people! Not the fake filtered rose tinted view through Instagram (though I understand the kids these days call it IG of ‘the Gram;). The colourful reality of van life is not the sound of the sea waking you up, but the sound of your dog licking his balls one foot away from your face in the narrow confines of the tin can you’re all living in.

    • Thanks so much! I just read Nick’s article and it is great! Just as truth can be stranger than fiction, so can reality be much more entertaining than Instagram marketing campaigns!

  54. Wow. I am SO happy that I found you and signed up to follow you. Your writing style is smack down the middle of my alley. This was an awesome-funny post. Although, I’m a little bummed that my dream of an all white fifth wheel with me, my husband, cat and Aussie dog MIGHT need to be re-thunk…. 😉

    • Haha. I’m glad you found me too, and thank you for your comments. I’m really just jealous you can have an Aussie AND a cat! We would love to have a cat, but unfortunately, certain puppies we know would be a little TOO excited about their new roommate… I can’t even imagine all the fur flying around. Total chaos. LOL!

    • Thanks! I just kept taking screen caps of ridiculous photos when I saw them… it didn’t take long (at all…) to build up enough for an article. 🙂

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